Double Being Defined

 "I have to know about the double," I said.

"There's no way of knowing whether he's flesh and blood," don Juan said. "Because he is not as real as you. Genaro's double is as real as Genaro. Do you see what I mean?"

"But you have to admit, don Juan, that there must be a way to know."

"The double is the self; that explanation should suffice. If you would see, however, you'd know that there is a great difference between Genaro and his double. For a sorcerer who sees, the double is brighter."

After their laughter subsided, I asked don Genaro what a double did, or what a sorcerer did with the double.

Don Juan answered. He said that the double had power, and that it was used to accomplish feats that would be unimaginable under ordinary terms.

"I've told you time and time again that the world is unfathomable," he said to me. "And so are we, and so is every being that exists in this world. It is impossible, therefore, to reason out the double. You've been allowed to witness it, though, and that should be more than enough."

"But there must be a way to talk about it," I said. "You yourself have told me that you

explained your conversation with the deer in order to talk about it. Can't you do the same with the double?"

He was quiet for a moment. I pleaded with him. The anxiety I was experiencing was beyond anything I had ever gone through.

"Well, a sorcerer can double up," don Juan said. "That's all one can say."

"But is he aware that he is doubled?"

"Of course he's aware of it."

"Does he know that he is in two places at once?"

Both of them looked at me and then they exchanged a glance.

"Where is the other don Genaro?" I asked.

Don Genaro leaned towards me and stared into my eyes.

"I don't know," he said softly. "No sorcerer knows where his other is."

"Genaro is right," don Juan said. "A sorcerer has no notion that he is in two places at once.

To be aware of that would be the equivalent of facing his double, and the sorcerer that finds himself face to face with himself is a dead sorcerer. That is the rule. That is the way power has set things up. No one knows why."

Don Juan explained that by the time a warrior had conquered dreaming and seeing and had developed a double, he must have also succeeded in erasing personal history, self-importance, and routines. He said that all the techniques which he had taught me and which I had considered to be empty talk were, in essence, means for removing the impracticality of having a double in the ordinary world, by making the self and the world fluid, and by placing them outside the bounds of prediction.

"A fluid warrior can no longer make the world chronological," don Juan explained. "And for him, the world and himself are no longer objects. He's a luminous being existing in a luminous world. The double is a simple affair for a sorcerer because he knows what he's doing. To take notes is a simple affair for you, but you still scare Genaro with your pencil."

"Can an outsider, looking at a sorcerer, see that he is in two places at once?" I asked don Juan.

"Certainly. That would be the only way to know it."

"But can't one logically assume that the sorcerer would also notice that he has been in two places?"

"Aha!" don Juan exclaimed. "For once you've got it right. A sorcerer may certainly notice afterwards that he has been in two places at once. But this is only bookkeeping and has no bearing on the fact that while he's acting, he has no notion of his duality."

My mind boggled. I felt that if I did not keep on writing I would explode.

"Think of this," he went on. "The world doesn't yield to us directly; the description of the world stands in between. So, properly speaking, we are always one step removed and our experience of the world is always a recollection of the experience. We are perennially recollecting the instant that has just happened, just passed. We recollect, recollect, recollect."

He turned his hand over and over to give me the feeling of what he meant.

"If our entire experience of the world is recollection, then it's not so outlandish to conclude that a sorcerer can be in two places at once. This is not the case from the point of view of his own perception, because in order to experience the world, a sorcerer, like every other man, has to recollect the act he has just performed, the event he has just witnessed, the experience he has just lived. In his awareness there is only a single recollection. But for an outsider looking at the sorcerer it may appear as if the sorcerer is acting two different episodes at once. The sorcerer, however, recollects two separate single instants, because the glue of the description of time is no longer binding him."

"Is the double solid?" I asked don Juan after a long silence.

They looked at me.

"Does the double have corporealness?" I asked.

"Certainly," don Juan said. "Solidity, corporealness are memories. Therefore, like everything else we feel about the world, they are memories we accumulate. Memories of the description.

You have the memory of my solidity, the same way you have the memory of communicating through words. Thus, you talked with a coyote and you feel me as being solid."

TMMK

The Lens Is The Self

When we trace all problems back to their single source, we find that the world appears dark and murky and unknowable not because it is, but because the lens through which it is projected and perceived is filthy.

The lens is self and the filth is personal history, self-importance and ego. Clean the lens with recapitulation and the world resolves into crystal clarity, and darkness and murkiness are forgotten as if they never were. (Eliminate the lens altogether and you’ve reached the totality of self, but then, ‘who’ is left to be the totality of self?)

That’s why any true and complete teaching can be fully expressed in a few words; wipe the lens, think for yourself, open your eyes, know thyself, ask Who Am I?

These are the first questions...

What are you doing? Why are you doing it? Where is this going? 

If you know, you’ll succeed. If you don’t, you won’t. 

That’s not just pretty talk, that’s the law.

All the world’s systems are dedicated to making the most of the least, but why make the most of darkness when we can just turn on the lights?

TMMK

Reaffirmations from the World Around Us

Let's begin today with a couple questions in regards to the mastery of awareness. 

Are your days ruled by old thoughts, old beliefs, and old stories formed in the past, or do you meet each day with fresh eyes and wonder at the miracle that your life is?

Do you see how holding on to old thoughts keep you trapped in the past?

Do you have any idea how to break your old descriptions of the world?

Can you take an honest inventory of all your beliefs?

Hold those thoughts while we move on to a couple of quotes...

"Plants are very peculiar things," he said without looking at me." They are alive and they feel." At the very moment he made that statement a strong gust of wind shook the desert chaparral around us. The bushes made a rattling noise. "Do you hear that?" he asked me, putting his right hand to his ear as if he were aiding his hearing. "The leaves and the wind are agreeing with me."

"People hardly ever realize that we can cut anything from our lives, any time, just like that." He snapped his fingers. "Do you think that one can stop smoking or drinking that easily?" I asked. "Sure!" he said with great conviction. "Smoking and drinking are nothing. Nothing at all if we want to drop them." At that very moment the water that was boiling in the coffee percolator made a loud perking sound. "Hear that!" don Juan exclaimed with a shine in his eyes. "The boiling water agrees with me."

Then he added after a pause, "A man can get agreements from everything around him."

Thus, our topic for this post. Yet, let me ask you a question before we begin. Without reading back up this page, do you remember the questions asked in the very first lines of this post? If not, then you are not paying attention, your mastery of awareness isn't activated, and you need to go and continue to read and practice some premeditation as described here in this Exploring Awareness blog. 

When we are ruled by our thoughts and beliefs, we cannot truly appreciate the reaffirmations from the world around us. Thus the need for the premeditation as mentioned above. When we reside in awareness only, not caught up in thoughts, especially about ourselves, then we can begin to notice what occurs 'outside' our own thoughts. Understand these reaffirmations are happening to all of us all of the time, yet, are we 'aware' of them? This post is one of the first lessons in regards to the mastery of awareness. 

As to the little test of remembering the first questions at the top of this post, after reading the quotes...Whether you remembered the questions or not, I highly recommend you visit the link above and continue practicing the premeditation daily. And not just daily, but as often throughout the day as you can. Also, begin to pay attention to what is happening around you. Pay attention to your surroundings. Begin the moment you wake up. (You will need to pay attention to your dreams while asleep as well, but that's another blog post for another time.) 

Just gaze, listen, smell, touch, and taste without judgement, criticism, etc. Do it right now while looking around your computer screen. What else do you see? What noise do you hear? What can you touch? You can do this at work as well. Many people work in the city and complain that Carlos and don Juan are out in the desert, thus it's easy for them as they aren't working, residing in the beauty of nature. Bullshit. Stop thinking and comparing everything and just see the beauty of whatever's around you. See the beauty in that old piece of concrete curbing. Listen to the noise of the car driving down the street without analyzing it. 

I can hear you now asking, "But Kris, where are these agreements you speak of? I'm paying attention but I don't see, hear or feel any agreements."

Well, that's because I've not covered the agreements yet. (Grins.) 

So, let's talk about receiving agreements. First, perform the premeditation as described in the link above. This will 'loosen you up' so to speak. Second, you need to voice your intent. You can focus your mind and ask psychically, but I prefer to voice my intent out loud. Thus, the question is, what do you want? What agreement are you looking for? What thought comes to mind after clearing your mind with the premeditation? If your intent is pure, you will receive an agreement. If not, then you are not asking the right question. (Understand there are no answers; only the right questions.) If you do this, and have the awareness to receive the agreement, then you will receive it.

Once again, pay attention. Perform the premeditation, then voice your intent, then clear your mind again, reside in pure awareness and pay attention. Keep an open mind. The agreement may not come as a typical sight, sound or smell. 

On a side note as I re-read the above, the premeditation is not the same as 'spacing out.' You are activating your senses without thought. But hell, what do I know? Try spacing out and see if it works for you. 

So, what's the point in all of this? Several points. First, learn to pay attention without thought, and second, 'life' or 'the world' or whatever, always has messages or affirmations for us. I could tie this in with the law of attention and how that works, but I'll refrain at this time. For now, just practice. Well, I will add one comment. After performing the premeditation I'll usually shout out, "I'm grateful to be alive!" "I'm grateful to be alive!" "I'm grateful to be alive!" This is a 'seal' that holds my awareness, if that makes any sense. 

Lack of practice is the biggest sticking point I see. People complain and say this doesn't work, yet they seldom practice what's mentioned above. This isn't all theoretical. It takes work. The more you can focus your intent, pay attention, the more you will 'see'. 

Until next time... 

Coping Mechanisms and Spiritual Dissonance

 "Y'all are in this trance," continues Brett, "and you come here askin ' me to help snap you out of it. I can't help you, though. You gotta get to where you want it enough to do it yourselves, but that ain't easy cuz you got yourselves lulled into this damn complacency which sucks all the urgency out of your plight. It's like a coping mechanism. Y'all know what a coping mechanism is?

It's like a tranquilizer. We keep ourselves strung out on tranquilizers all the time, but if you come here you're sayin' you want to kick that habit. We're all in the hands of a loving God, that's one kind of tranquilizer we like to swallow. Means you can just sit back and pass the time. Be nice and say you're sorry when you done wrong and your lovin' God won't cook your ass. Reincarnation is another pill that goes down easy. We're coming back again and again so we got all the time in the world.

We're subject to a bunch of karma-dharma dipsy-doodle and we just gotta be good little sheep: no pressure, no urgency, nothing to do but lay low and ride it out. Or maybe we're all divine beings of light and all we gotta do is sparkle and shine and live a pretty life, play nice and not kick up a fuss.

She kicks up a spray of sand, pacing.

"Y'all startin' to see a theme emergin' here? Be nice, be quiet, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your minds, don't make a ruckus - sound familiar? That's what all this satsang talk sounds like to me, like you start feelin' a little agitated so you need a fix, got to get some more tranquility, like that's the purpose of these teachers and gurus you keep talkin' about, they keep you mellow, keep you doped up so you don't gotta face your situation.

Sounds like the exact opposite of wakin' up to me."

Now, just replace all the specific comments above with YOUR beloved beliefs, YOUR coping mechanism such as alcohol, drugs, Christianity, Buddhism, Zen, Hinduism, Nagualism, all New Age whatever and…what do you have? Eyes wide shut.

If you opt out of the coping mechanism, open your eyes just a bit, spiritual dissonance may occur.

Spiritual dissonance is what occurs where our inner world meets our outer world: where what we think is true butts up against what appears to be true: where internal belief collides with external reality. It's the discomfort that occurs where self and not-self come into contact.

Self importance and ego are like the thin sheath of atmosphere between the earth of self and the infinite space of not-self, holding one in and the other out. We live out our lives in this narrow band, never digging too far down or testing our upper limits. This is where our emotional energy is spent, pumped into this gap between two incompatible surfaces, keeping them from grinding against each other and jolting us out of our slumber.

That grinding, when it does occur, is Spiritual dissonance.

Spiritual dissonance is the mental/emotional counterpart of negative physical drives like hunger and pain. We experience physical discontent because we are hungry, so we eat. We experience physical pain because our finger is in a flame, so we pull it out. Similarly, when we experience the discomfort of Spiritual dissonance, we seek relief, though it's not likely to be as simple and direct as pulling a finger out of a flame.

Spiritual dissonance is a necessary and vital function of the human condition. It's how we operate. It can, like anything, go haywire, but for most of the people most of the time, it's nothing more than the meeting of two slightly imperfect surfaces: the outermost inner and the innermost outer.

A common example of Spiritual dissonance would be: If God loves us, why does He allow so much suffering? The certainty of God's love is the internal belief. The obviousness of human suffering is the external reality. Is God unable to end suffering?

No, we must answer, because He can do whatever He wants. Therefore, He must allow or even cause suffering. But how can that be if He loves us? Something somewhere has to give or, preferably, we avoid asking the question in the first place.

An ad hoc hypothesis is one way of dealing with messy problems such as this. We come up with a new belief to stuff into the gap between two existing beliefs, like plugging a $#*@% in the wall of our prison cell where a discomforting light is getting through and disturbing our repose. Such a hypothesis in this situation might be, "Because God loves us, He gave us free will and we use it to create our own suffering." This is like a belief patch: we discover a bug in our belief programming, so we install a belief patch and all is well. The walls that enclose us are made of belief, so a belief patch is likely to blend in well and last as long as the wall does, if we don't tamper with it.

Another way we can respond to this problem is to recuse ourselves from such weighty deliberations altogether. "The Lord works in mysterious ways." we can say, and be happily done with it. Similarly, we might relieve our discomfort by deferring to specialists. "It's the job of the clergy to grapple with such imponderable issues, we might tell ourselves, "it's for the shepherds to worry about such things, not the flock."

Or, we might redouble our emotional investment in God and simply dismiss logical inconsistencies with haughty contempt or mocking disdain.

Or, we might go the other way and dismiss God altogether, citing conundrums such as this to bolster our case. Or, best and most common, we can go the ignorance-is-bliss route. We can ignore the question altogether, or deny it, or simply stay occupied and distracted so this question and countless others like it can never gain a foothold in our awareness.

Or any number of other scenarios. The main thing is to stop the discomfort, like removing the battery from a blaring smoke detector so we can go back to sleep.

Meanwhile, somewhere, a fire burns, the little bastard in you churns, just waiting for you to look inward, not outward.

Jed McKenna

Erasing Personal History

Let's begin with several quotes from Carlos Castaneda's book entitled, Journey To Ixtlan, in regards to erasing personal history. This [erasing personal history] is a core teaching in regards to the mastery of awareness.

"I don't have any personal history," he said after a long pause. "One day I found out that personal history was no longer necessary for me, and, like drinking, I dropped it."

"How can one drop one's personal history?" I asked in an argumentative mood.

"One must first have the desire to drop it," he said. "And then one must proceed harmoniously to chop it off, little by little."

"Perhaps you should tell me what you mean by dropping one's personal history," I said.

"To do away with it, that's what I mean," he replied cuttingly.

I insisted that I must not have understood the proposition.

"Take you for instance," I said. "You are a Yaqui. You can't change that."

"Am I?" he asked, smiling. "How do you know that?"

"True!" I said. "I can't know that with certainty, at this point, but you know it and that is what counts. That's what makes it personal history."

I felt I had driven a hard nail in.

"The fact that I know whether I am a Yaqui or not," he replied, "does not make it personal history. Only when someone else knows it does it become personal history; and I assure you that no one will ever know that for sure."

"You don't know what I am, do you?" he said as if he were reading my thoughts. "You will never know who or what I am, because I don't have a personal history."

He asked me if I had a father. I told him I did. He said that my father was an example of what he had in mind. He urged me to remember what my father thought of me. "Your father knows everything about you," he said. "So, he has you all figured out. He knows who you are and what you do, and there is no power on earth that can make him change his mind about you."

"Don't you see?" he asked dramatically. "You must renew your personal history by telling your parents, your relatives, and your friends everything you do. On the other hand, if you have no personal history, no explanations are needed. Nobody is angry or disillusioned with your acts. And above all, no one pins you down with their thoughts."

"It is best to erase all personal history," he said slowly, as if giving me time to write it down in my clumsy way, "because that would make us free from the encumbering thoughts of other people."

"Take yourself, for instance," he went on saying. "Right now, you don't know whether you are coming or going. And that is so because I have erased my personal history. I have, little by little, created a fog around me and my life. And now nobody knows for sure who I am or what I do."

"But you yourself know who you are, don't you?" I interjected.

"You bet I... don't," he exclaimed, and rolled on the floor, laughing at my surprised look.

"That is the little secret I am going to give you today," he said in a low voice. "Nobody knows my personal history. Nobody knows who I am or what I do. Not even I."

"How can I know who I am, when I am all this?" he said, sweeping the surroundings with a gesture of his head.

"Little by little you must create a fog around yourself. You must erase everything around you until nothing can be taken for granted; until nothing is any longer for sure, or real. "Your problem now is that you're too real. Your endeavors are too real. Your moods are too real. Don't take things so for granted. You must begin to erase yourself."

"Begin with simple things, such as not revealing what you really do. Then you must leave everyone who knows you well. This way you'll build up a fog around yourself."

"But that's absurd," I protested. "Why shouldn't people know me? What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong is that once they know you, you are an affair taken for granted, and from that moment on you won't be able to break the tie of their thoughts. I personally like the ultimate freedom of being unknown. No one knows me with steadfast certainty- the way people know you, for instance."

"But that would be lying."

"I'm not concerned with lies or truths," he said severely. "Lies are lies only if you have personal history."

"When one does not have personal history," he explained, "nothing that one says can be taken for a lie. Your trouble is that you have to explain everything to everybody, compulsively, and at the same time you want to keep the freshness, the newness of what you do. Well, since you can't be excited after explaining everything you've done, you lie in order to keep on going."

"From now on," he said, "you must simply show people whatever you care to show them, but without ever telling exactly how you've done it."

"You see," he went on, "we only have two alternatives: We either take everything for sure and real, or we don't. If we follow the first, we end up bored to death with ourselves and with the world. If we follow the second, and erase personal history, we create a fog around us; a very exciting and mysterious state in which nobody knows where the rabbit will pop out- not even ourselves."

"When nothing is for sure we remain alert; perennially on our toes," he said. "It is more exciting not to know which bush the rabbit is hiding behind than to behave as though we know everything."

Wow, that's a lot of quotes and almost the entire chapter! Yet, it's needed, as a core teaching.

To begin with, we are going to start simple. First, learn to shut your mouth and listen to other people. As opposed to seeing this in yourself, first, watch and listen to others to get a feel for this personal history in others. Re-read the quotes above, understand them, and then see if you can identify personal history in others as they speak. This should be quite easy to do if you are paying attention. Second, if it's a conversation and you speak, keep to the point of discussion without adding a bunch of contexts into it, especially personal history about yourself and your own opinions in regards to the issue.

Here's a tip: Stop saying "I" so much. As in, "I" assisted this client and fixed their lower back pain. Or, "I" believe that our new President is an idiot and will do a horrible job. Long lectures from 'you' about your beliefs are NOT what we are trying to do here. Let's say you are a good Christian. You have studied Christianity extensively for many years. That, in and of itself, is all well and good, but to talk to another about it, telling them about how much "I" have studied, how much "I" know, etc., is a display of personal history and very self-important. (I'll get to self-importance in the next post.)

A couple examples are: "It seems the clients back pain has subsided," as opposed to, "I fixed the clients back." Another one: "In regards to Christianity, did you know that back in the fifteen hundreds they did....," as opposed to, "I have studied Christianity for years, and after all my research and hard work I found out that back in the fifteen hundreds Christians...." See the difference?

Here's another tip: If someone else is speaking to you about some topic, ask them questions. If you need to provide conversation that's fine, but keep 'yourself' out of it. Humans love to talk, and not only that, they love to add their personal history into it; not only about a topic but about themselves. Most people's favorite topic is themselves. We want to break that habit.

Let me add one very important point here, to cover my ass as well as yours. Don Juan, above, speaks in regards to lying to people. I'm NOT suggesting you lie to people. Why? Because you may get in serious legal trouble if you claim to be a doctor and you are not. Or, stating you were a part of a U.S. Navy SEAL Team when you were not. It's illegal.

Here's another point: If you are not well versed in the next blog post in regards to self-importance, you will 'lie' in a more uplifting or positive or self-important fashion. Meaning, if someone asked you what you do for a living, and you feel the need to lie to them, you are going to say something 'bigger' than you are, as opposed to something degrading. Again, this is a post about erasing personal history, not self-importance, but this point needs to be made. What we need to learn to do is combine the arts of erasing personal history and losing self-importance, so if someone asks us what we do, we'll tell them something society finds 'not so glorious.' Such as a homeless person. A convenience store clerk. As opposed to telling them you are an attorney, doctor, etc. See the difference?

By now, you should have at least a basic understanding of erasing personal history. Yet, don Juan mentions the 'desire' to drop it. What's this mean? How do we acquire such a desire? One way to lose the hold our personal history has on us is to use critical thinking. (I'm a huge fan of critical thinking, and then allowing the mind to rest without thinking.) Begin thinking about 'you' and all you've done. Everything you are tied to. Ask yourself if you want and or enjoy freedom; freedom from being tied down by your thoughts, and the thoughts of others, in regards to how you behave, what you do for a living, your relationships, religion, etc.

That's enough for now. This post is long enough. All I can say is to re-read the quotes above and then practice what I've written about. Use YOUR OWN examples in your life. Learn to listen to others and watch their personal history in action. Watch your own need to add your own personal history to conversations. Learn how to critically think about what you know, about yourself and others, for certain. What do any of us know for certain? Become aware. Pay attention. This is a critical part in regards to the mastery of awareness.

I'm quite sure I'll come back and add much more information about this topic, it's that important. Or, I'll just create another post. Now, get going!

Warrior's Last Stand

Usually, when we think of a ‘warrior,’ someone drawing a line in the sand, making their last stand on earth, we think they are committing themselves to an all-or-nothing battle: here and now, on this spot, live or die. That's the kind of ultimatum Carlos and others often describe. They make it sound like a fight, like put up your dukes, but it's really not.

It's the end of fighting, the end of a lifelong struggle.

Drawing this line doesn't mean battle stations, red alert, DEFCOM one and all that. It’s not that kind of battle. It means we have to lower our shields, not raise them. That's how easily and effectively we are undone, and it's because the enemy is within, running the show, redeploying all of our mental and emotional resources against us.

Instead of adopting a warlike posture, we must, counter-intuitively, lower our shields and defenses. This seems confusing until we understand that we are both the protagonist and the antagonist in this conflict, both attacker and defender.

This is the paradoxical nature of the struggle. We can't win by fighting. The very thing that fights, that resists, is the thing we seek to overthrow. Only by vanquishing self-importance can we prevail.

Only in surrender can we find victory. This is the part so few get, and fewer get beyond.

This is the part where everything starts sounding all sagely or Zen like, but that can't be helped. If you want to say that all religions and spiritual teachings share a core truth, it can only be this: Surrender is victory.

Yet, this isn’t the end. It’s only the beginning.

Once we surrender, The Real Work begins.

~

Belief vs. Faith

Do you believe in enlightenment? Do you believe what Castaneda wrote? Do you believe that the sun is coming up tomorrow morning? Do you believe in such a thing as a 'Nagual?' 

When questions like this arise in our life, the thing we always need to find out is: What difference would it make in my practice if I knew the answer to this?

But I think that before we can answer this important question, we have to take a look at how we are using language. A comment as an example: "...do you believe we have a purpose in life?"

I don't "believe" that we do, and I don't "believe" that we don't have a purpose. There is a big difference between the word "belief" and the word "faith." When I believe something to be so, then I tend to see everything as if it backs up that belief, and distrust or reject anything that clearly doesn't support that belief. In other words, belief is narrowing down, or limiting, of that which can be experienced "as it is."

Whereas if I have faith, there doesn't need to be any object of that faith. Faith is an opening, an acceptance, and it provides an ability to be with whatever arises in confidence. So belief is quite limiting and therefore somewhat dangerous, while faith is freeing.

So, now let's return to the important question: "How will this help me in my practice to know this?" What is my practice?

My practice is to be completely present in this moment and to experience whatever arises fully. And that's it. There is nothing more, because everything else is imagined or constructed. We have sensation, we have emotion, and we have thought. All three of these arise, often simultaneously, and we invariably take them to be fact, while actually, they are only the movement of energy.

If we look, we can notice that there is an awareness that is aware of all these movements, but is not a part of them, and is not effected directly by them. This awareness we tend to call "I", but when we fall into this awareness, we find no "thing" there that could be identified as an "I" or a "person" or a "body". It is the direct experience of this causeless awareness experiencing itself that is the purpose of my practice.

So, I suppose I can say that I believe and have faith in being present in this moment and experience whatever arises fully. My purpose is the focus of my attention at this moment.

TMMK

What Are You Going To Do?

Yesterday, my associate got killed. And then she got killed again. And again.

Dreaming...

She was in her house, and an assassin broke in, armed with knives. She reacted and took another knife, but one instant too late.

She saw her blood and felt the infinite shame of defeat and outrage.

Only it didn't happen, because, just when the man was about to kill her, none other than Florinda Donner-Grau entered the house, kicked the villain on the back and stabbed him with the TWO knives that she was holding, one in each hand, killing him ipso facto. All this was done in one single, efficient and beautiful movement. It might have been a combination of impeccably executed magical passes.

Only it did happen, because Florinda showed her the scene, in slow motion, over and over again. The assassin broke in, my associate took the knife and reacted one instant too late. The assassin stabbed her. She saw herself lying on a pool of blood, feeling the infinite shame of defeat and outrage.

Over and over, in slow motion.

Florinda Donner-Grau spoke:

"Why didn't you react? Why are you waiting to be recognized by us?"

"You are as quick as I am"

"It's so simple. It's always there, right in front of you. Let yourself go."

"What are you going to do when we are gone?"

"What are you going to do?"

Over and over. She couldn't answer.

"Don't follow us. BE us."

"Don't look for us. BE us."

"Don't try to be recognized by us. Recognize yourself."

"You ARE me. You can do what I can do. YOU."

"What are you going to do?"

I was awake around the time this happened. It was late night. I was listening to some music in my room, at a low volume. I live far away from my associate's home. A person that lives with me came suddenly rushing up the stairs and asked me what was happening. He looked very alarmed and short of breath.

"Didn't you hear?” he asked.

"No. What?"

"Screams."

We went out to the terrace. The streets were empty. There was no one at the house's door.

"What were the screams like?" I asked.

"It sounded as if someone was fighting, or..."

Another person in the house had also heard them, and she was scared and worried.

They had been really loud screams, apparently coming from a terrified person asking for help.

I instantly thought of my associate, for some mysterious reason. She is an impeccable warrior. I Saw that there was nothing to be worried about, but also that something had definitely happened. I discussed all this with her this morning, while having breakfast in a restaurant. Her beautiful eyes glowed with joy and silent understanding. She is very much alive and kicking, thank you. At least in this world.

When she finished relating her Dreaming, I told her what had happened later.

Since I was thinking of her, I asked the person who came upstairs if it had been a man's voice.

"No. It was a woman", he replied.

"What was she shouting?"

There was a brief silence.

"She was shouting your name...'Enrique!'"

What are you going to do?

Lucid Dreaming Group

 Please feel free to join our Lucid Dreaming group on Facebook. If you are having difficulty dreaming as prescribed by don Juan Matus and Carlos Castaneda, then visit our group and ask as many questions as you want! Here is the link to our lucid dreaming group:

Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, Out of Body Experience, Astral Travel

Join us and let's have some great discussions!

TMMK 

You can also visit my new blog entitled Lucid Dream Tips as well, if these areas interest you!

Lucid Dreaming Stories - Going To Church

Lucid dreaming and driving last night (which is in and of itself and interesting experience,) I passed a local Christian church that's just a couple of miles from home. I noticed a large banner they had strung out in the landscaping listing the days and times of services. I looked at the time on the truck dashboard and noticed that it was just two minutes until the next service. I'm not a religious man, yet thought, 'what the hell?' and decided to flip a U-turn and head into the service.

I made sure no on-coming traffic was heading my way and flipped a huge U-turn across four lanes of road. As I was lucid Dreaming it was amazing how much I 'felt' in regards to driving, the shift in weight as I turned the truck, etc., etc. I whipped into the church parking lot and found a parking space way in the back. (It's a popular place!) I got out of the truck quickly and jogged up to the entrance. I was late!

As I entered the lobby and then the main worship area, the nave I think it's called, I was a bit startled to see that it was completely deserted. Empty! Where was everyone? The parking lot was full of vehicles! I'm not shy, and since I made the choice to attend I went straight to the front and sat down in the front row to see what was going on and get a bird’s eye view. Once I got settled in, this seemed to be a signal, THEN the people began flooding in. I sat and 'people watched' for at least a good half hour in 'dream time'. I kept checking my phone to see the time, and it seemed as accurate as 'waking time'. 

Then the Minister came out to deliver his sermon. He talked and talked about which I've now forgotten, some section of the Bible he'd chosen to discuss. There was no standing or singing like I'd seen in other churches. Just lecture. I quickly drew bored of this and went back to people watching. I scanned the entire audience, then decided to switch from looking to 'seeing.' There was not an energy generating being in the whole crowd! All phantoms coming to confess their sins. At this I chuckled, and went back to listening to the preacher.

I then decided to 'see' the Minister and received a shock; he was an IOB (Inorganic being)! He had a particular energy to him that both swirled and moved in waves. The colors were a rich blue moving into an intense orange. At one point I became a bit disturbed; wondering why is this IOB lecturing a bunch of phantoms? I became more and more restless, finally culminating in me voicing my intent, shouting out, "Show me your mask!" straight at the preacher. The entire scene changed into what I can only describe as Jesus or God as the preacher, with the entire background filled with a plethora of soft, soothing colors. The entire audience roared with approval. I could certainly 'feel' the appeal. I felt good, content. Yet, I knew this was only a part of the appeal...And I was still dreaming. 

After everyone calmed down, the audience, the preacher/Jesus/God-like figure continued on with his Sermon. Once again, after several minutes of his 'preaching,' I became bored and figured I'd try another voicing of intent. I then bellowed out, "Show me your other mask!" As quickly as the first change occurred this one did as well. It's as if the old, nice, scene melted away into a typical scene of 'hell.' It was dark black with a hue of red. The preacher turned into some devilish creature with a body made of black and red eyes. This caused unrest and chaos among the phantom/attendees. It's as if panic struck every single attendee, as if someone had shouted, "Fire!" In the blink of an eye everyone had departed leaving me sitting in my pew once again gazing up at the preacher/lucifer.

We stared at each other for several minutes. My Dreaming attention was still strong, yet I knew that this IOB's attentive capacity was stronger. I knew I needed to do something...but what? The IOB 'spoke' first, asking, "Would you like to see my other masks?" I smiled and replied, "No thank you; I'm already familiar with all the illusions you have, all the games you play." 'It' just stared back at me, waiting. I felt as if we were in a duel. Whos attention would falter first? I waited for what seemed to be just the right moment then bellowed out again, straight at this IOB with unbending intent, "Show me THE TRUTH!"

Everything dissolved, myself included. I felt I was floating within infinity. There was no 'me' per se', just a point of awareness/consciousness. I knew I was just floating along, or within, the dark sea of awareness that Carlos Castaneda described in his books. I 'felt' neither good nor bad, just whole, residing in God-Mind. There was nothing to do, no- where to go. It's as if I was truly experiencing 'living in the moment' that so many speak of in waking.

I have no reference of 'time' spent in this state, other than when I checked my watch as mentioned above, yet at a certain point I had a familiar feeling from far way. I ignored it at first, yet it persisted. At one point, I decided to 'follow it' and see what this ... sensation? was. I had moved back within my physical body, yet still lucid dreaming. I knew what this sensation was; I had to go pee! I woke myself up, went to the bathroom, and decided to start my day.

As I drove to work today and passed the Christian church I couldn't help but smile. One of these days I'm going to 'act out' exactly what occurred in Dreaming.

One of these days...

Where Am I Going To Put It?

Where am I going to put it?

I remember...

I remember the nightmare.

At the end, surrounded by monsters, I could smell my own body rotting.

I couldn't get out of bed. My teeth ached unbearably.

They cut the power in my house because we had no money to pay for electricity.

My son died.

Awareness into the wind.

I took it back, as only I can use it for freedom, because it was pure.

I remember the nightmare. I fought demons, and furious beasts, and monsters.

I fought them because my pockets were filled with my own stupidity, with the currency of hell, with the keys to ignorance.

I had my pockets filled with judgments, with rush, with sorrow and worries. With hysteria and schizophrenia.

My pockets were full of ME.

But I would give my life to see your eyes glow with this infinite joy.

Don't you just see them? Standing there in line, all the way back to times still to come. Their eyes glow with fierce, unending joy.

Warriors...

Thousands of them.

Out there.

Where are you?

What do you call hell?

Home?

What's life? Life, it's one flapping of a butterfly's wings. It's this here and this now.

Who's going to live forever?

I've seen a room full of tigers moving in perfect synchronicity. Silent tiger’s with butterfly wings.

I've seen them roar their way out of hell and tear its sordid walls down with the powerful silence of this roar.

They roar in unison, as one.

And they fly as one.

THE Warrior.

Those eyes... those eyes. Those smiles, those claws ripping the wind.

The stars are in a war for freedom.

Where am I going to put all this joy?

Not even my tears will hold it.

I'm going to put it in my pockets, because they are empty now.

TMMK